To revise my essay I plan to do multiple things. I first would like to go through my essay and see where I can add more supporting evidence or quotes, since I personally tend to write my essays short. After I do that I am going to read it out loud to make sure everything sounds right and flows properly. I would also like someone else that is not in my class to read it if possible. My goal for this essay is to clearly convey my thesis and have enough support to make what I am trying to say very clear to who ever is reading it. I feel very strongly about what I am writing which I think will be helpful when adding detail. I have a lot of points I want to make but I don’t want my essay to seem cluttered and unfocused. I believe that my rough draft was very rough and after I revise it I believe the finishing touches will be very easy. If I am really struggling with a part of my essay I would go to SASC or ask a peer for ideas. I have done both of these to help my work and I think that they are very effective.
In my essay I would like to incorporate images. In my essay I talk about an artist and I would like to include some images of her artwork. She uses her work for conservation and hopes it moves people to help protect the environment. I could also include work from other people that is similar to hers. I have seen many ocean conservation art pieces that use plastic and I think those are very moving so showing that in my essay may be helpful.
I may also like to use the technique where you take the quote and separate it to make it more powerful. I believe that is a very affective tool and believe that I have some strong enough quotes to do that. These also help focus your essay and I think it would work well structurally.
Guiding Question: How can beauty help save the world?
To answer this question you first have to figure a few things out. You have to know what people find beautiful already and how you can show them a new type of beauty. There are many different answers to both of these problems and many people have already started using these methods and taking action.
Saving the earth is a big issue today and people need to start taking action. Many people don’t even realize how serious this issue actually is. Many scientists are doing research and trying to help as much as they can because they see the beauty in our world. To truly help save something you must first see its beauty. The problem is getting people to see this beauty. Many people such as former zoologist Lindy Rodwell van Hasselt are using different techniques to help promote conservation. The technique she chose was art. She uses her artwork to show people the true beauty of nature. By doing this she hopes that they gain a new appreciation of nature (specifically endangered animals) and do whatever they can to help save them.
Everyday people are perfectly capable of making a difference to help save the world. People that see its true beauty know that. These people are like Teyhas aunt and Mary Katherine Spain. These people see the true beauty that this planet has to offer. Once you see that kind of beauty you do not want to lose it. True beauty is irreplaceable. This kind of beauty can influence people in a positive way. Beauty can be found in more than one place but I believe it can be found most in nature. there are just so many natural wonders that are worth saving. Everyone can find at least one beautiful thing in nature, whether that be a desert or the ocean, it could be a raging volcano or a quiet field of flowers. The uniqueness of nature is almost the the uniqueness that each person has, I believe this is why everyone can find beauty in nature.
The earth has been around for much longer than we have. Nature is timeless in a way, we are the ones just passing through. Even if we don’t survive the earth still will. The earth came first, then us, so who are we to destroy what beauty it has given us. We should be trying to protect and save the earths beauty and ourselves. Once we see its natural beauty it will drive us to protect it which in turn will save us.
https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/10/lindy-van-hasselt-explorer-moments-crane-tracking/
The article I chose was about a zoologist who became an artist, the article title is Art Versus Science? Using Both for Conservation. it was a about a women named Lindy Rodwell van Hasselt who became an artist to advocate for wildlife conservation. I could use this article to show how people believe that art can make a difference and show people the beauty in the world. When you see the worlds beauty then you want to do whatever you can to help save it.
To help correlate this article and finding the beauty in nature I chose to use Tehyas podcast and Cameron and Shilohs podcast. I believe that the people they interviewed have a strong connection with nature and can truly appreciate the natural beauty that the world has to offer. I think a key piece in beauty is capturing an authentic moment in time and those are the words that Tehyas aunt uses to describe her encounter with beauty. I believe that both these podcasts will help strengthen my essay and help show how beauty can make an impact on the things that people do.
I feel that when Armstrong says “To regard beauty as a luxury adornment or a social signifier was to miss the true potential of the experience.” he is saying a truth that many people do not want to hear. So many people post about beautiful things and feel “artsy” and cool but by doing that they are missing the true meaning. You shouldn’t have to post about something to show off its beauty, you should enjoy it in the moment. I feel that many students in the UNE community appreciate true beauty, they are able to take a moment and really appreciate something. I believe this is because UNE is a very environmental friendly school and there is so much beauty in the environment that the students here come to appreciate. This school teaches us how to appreciate the environment and Schiller makes a point that “we can’t hope to see why beauty matters to us unless we pay attention to both”. The school teaches us to see why the environment matters which allows us to see its beauty and why keeping that means so much.
For this blog I chose to read chapter eleven in They Say, I Say . I chose this chapter because it is about revision. It has a checklist of things to look for in your essay. For this I chose to focus on the section about how to represent what others say. To do this I added a whole new paragraph to my essay. It was a counterclaim that focused mainly on Bosloughs view. I used to checklist to make sure my paragraph was supported and thorough.
Added Paragraph:
Many people argue that art and science do not need each other. They believe that there is no use in combining them and that they are just too different. For example, in Mark B. Boslough’s article, “We Must Protect U.S. Investment in Scientific Knowledge”, he argues that science should be left alone. He describes science as “under attack”. He focuses on how people see science from other views and how that negatively affects research. Science gives us knowledge and he believes people are ruining that. But if art were incorporated then people may not see science the same way. They may see it as innovating rather than boring. Some people that do not even believe in scientific reasoning may even consider it depending on how the theory is shown or explained. Art can help develop the skills that some scientists may need to support their case and get the proper funding or communal support that they need.
After reading Anne Lamott’s “Shitty First Drafts” I felt a lot better about the way I put together my first draft. I also just write down whatever my thoughts are with no specific order. I just get all my thoughts onto a page. The difference between my first drafts and Anne Lamotts is that mine aren’t usually long enough. I do not have a problem with overwriting, I struggle because I don’t write enough. I put my thoughts out and thats that. I can explain my opinion in a few sentences so thats what I do. But once I have all my thoughts written I then organize them in order and move around my paragraphs. Once they have a good flow I add more detail to them and more supporting evidence. It usually takes me until my second draft to finally reach my word or page goal.
Revision Plan Strategy:
My goal is to clearly support my thesis, I want to use more evidence from the reading so my thesis is made more valid. I would like at least one or two quotes in all my supporting paragraphs so I will go through the text and my paragraph and see what connects and where I can incorporate a good quote. My biggest challenge will probably be finding quotes that will flow into my paragraphs since this will take multiple times of re reading the text. If I struggle to do this on my own I would feel comfortable reaching out to Professor Emerson or classmates, and if they couldn’t help me either I would also feel comfortable going to SASC for some outside help.
While I was editing my peers first draft I remembered how different everyones perspectives truly are. Both of my peers had the same opinion as me but they both had different supporting evidence than I did. They had things that I hadn’t even thought of but when I read it I thought yeah thats very true and another really good way to support your claim. everyones perspective is different even when you are writing about the same thing.
For my brainstorming I used a rough graphic organizer. I chose my key points I wanted to make and created branches coming off of them as my supporting evidence. As I was chasing my main ideas supporting evidence just kind of came to mind. Since I read the text a few times and listened to my TED talk multiple times it was easy to organize my thoughts. It was also very easy to know what textual evidence I wanted to use since I have a good grasp on the ideas that they discuss. I found the organizer helpful. I was able to just get my ideas on paper to see how they can all come together. So when it comes time to writing the essay I will be prepared and organized.
I believe that my TED talk speaker, Benjamin Zander, thinks that there is no limit to art. I chose this TED talk because I personally listen to classical music and I strongly agree with Benjamin when he says classical music can affect anyone. He does believe you can make a larger impact with your art by the way you present it and by the way you think of it. The type of art he talks about is music, classical music to be specific. He also believes that it can impact everyone. Literally everyone, it does not matter who you are, if you can hear then classical music can affect you. The music can change how you think and feel. It reminds you and makes you think of specific times which impacts how you feel. He says how he was even able to make an impact on children, he is able to make them listen and feel a certain way with classical music. He influences a large group of people with the songs he plays. He proves that art can have a major impact on a large amount of people no matter who you are.
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